


He's Gone

by hikikomorixxi



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Jinhwan is bitter, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-06 23:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18226625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikikomorixxi/pseuds/hikikomorixxi
Summary: Junhoe broke up with Jinhwan. He ended their three years of relationship with the most shitty excuse: "It's not me, It's you"





	He's Gone

**Author's Note:**

> My first Junhwan short story. Just to be clear, Jinhwan tells the story. Sorry for the summary, it's kinda vague. I kind of struggle to make a summary out of this short story. Forgive me 😅

Your promises were as empty as the feelings that you left me with. 

 

I was devastated. I was broken, and yet I can't cry. I feel numb, but more than that I feel so dumb. I trust your words. I trust your promises. I let my guard down. I gave you a chance. I believed in you. But you broke me. You crushed me. You ruined me. 

 

They say  _ Promises are made to be broken,  _ right. It's so damn right. I am very aware of this. I know this so damn well, but then again being the fool that I am I believed in your promises. I thought I learned a lot from my failed relationship before. I thought I knew better now. But then, I trusted you. I thought you were different. I thought you were the one. 

 

We were okay, or so I thought? I gave you everything you need. I poured you all the love that I could give. I gave you  _ everything,  _ to the point that I was left with  _ nothing.  _

 

_ Is it not enough? Am I not enough?  _ I keep asking myself.  _ What went wrong? What did I do? What did I fail to do for you?  _

 

Of course being the jerk that you are, you didn't give me what I, at least, deserve… a proper closure. 

 

So I was left still feeling devastated over losing a jerk like you, feeling miserable because after all the bullshit… I am still in love with you. After what you've done I'm still here waiting if you ever decided to take me back. I know, I'm stupid. I'm pathetic. What else? I know that really well. 

 

My friends are saying, I should think with my head not with the thing in my chest. Believe me, it's easier said than done. If I could only control this damn feelings, I can move on right there and then after you fucking told me  _ “It's not me, it's you!”  _ which is by the way I thought wrong because isn't that supposed to be “It's not you, it's me”? But of course, you're a jerk, you blamed it on me. You blamed it to my shitty lovestruck self trying to cling so much to you. What the fuck!? I'm honestly offended. Imagine doing everything for the love of your life but he called you “clingy lovestruck” in return. I'm speechless over how offensive that is. But, again, that's a shitty excuse because I was like that from the start… and we're almost together for three fucking years? Imagine, how lame of an excuse that could be. 

 

But then, I can't forget how it was, maybe, my fault. Am I suffocating you? Are you tired of me being moody? Are you disappointed I'm having breakouts lately? I'm ugly even from the start though, you can't say I'm ugly that's why you want me out of your life, because really, I'm ugly even before you met me. 

 

“Come on! That's enough. You know he won't ever come back right? And If he ever wants to I’ll kill him first before he can even come near you!” I looked over to Bobby, he's now holding the bottle of soju that I was drinking. He's mad at you, you know that right? He's so mad he wants to hit you with a baseball bat when he saw you next day after he learned about how you dumped me. Thanks God, he just punched you. But I'm not really sorry for what he did. You deserved it. 

 

He doesn't look irritated or annoyed, he has this soft expression. I smiled, grateful of how he's trying to comfort me. “Who said I'm still going to accept him if he ever wants me back? Hmp! Never! Over my fucking hot drop dead gorgeous body!” I replied.  _ But honestly, it's a lie. I know I'm gonna accept you over and over again.  _

 

“Dude, I know you better than anyone else in this world! You can't fool me. I know you’ll still accept him.”

 

“You don't have to attack me like that, you know?” I rolled my eyes. Bobby has been extra careful with me over this topic for quite some time. He has treated me as if I'm very fragile, will break once I'm not handled properly. And I was kind of annoyed for that, because he's my best friend he knew I don't like to be treated like that because it makes me feel so vulnerable. But  _ I am  _ vulnerable that time. 

 

He smiled. Making his eyes disappear. “I miss you, bro! You stop moping around, okay?” Then he pinched my cheeks. 

 

I rolled my eyes again trying to look annoyed but failed, because I failed to hide my smile from him. “Yeah, sure! It's been more than five months too, I deserve to be happy.”

 

“You deserve all the good things in the world dude! Let's go home. We still have class tomorrow.”

  
  


***

 

It was exactly seven months after you dumped me. I haven't heard any news from you after that, but I knew you went abroad. I heard that from our classmates. I was shocked when I first learned about it, I even messaged you… but of course you didn't reply back. I was delusional to think maybe you ended our relationship because you were going to migrate abroad, but then I never heard of that news and It seems so sudden that no one, even your friends, knew about it. I was even furious because what the fuck? You don't think I can handle long distance relationship? But I realized maybe it was  _ you _ who can't handle it. I became even furious because I was clueless why you left me, why you went abroad.

 

And then one day, your sister, Yejin, contacted me.

 

_ From: Yejin Noona _

 

_ Jinani, how are you? Are you free tonight?  _

 

I agreed. I met her at a Café near our school. She smiled at me, but there's something about her smile. It looks sad. It doesn't even reach her eyes. I smiled back and pulled the seat in front of her. 

 

“Hi Noona! How have you been?” I asked her. It's a bit awkward to be honest because Isn't it weird meeting your ex’s sister? But I also love her, and just because we broke up doesn't mean I have to hate on her too. 

 

“I'm….. Okay” then she fake a smile. 

 

“Ahmm. Noona? Why? Why did you ask to meet up with me?” I asked her. 

  
  


“It's about Junhoe….” she trailed off. 

 

My heart beats so fast when I heard your name. It's crazy how after all this months, you still have this effect on me. How after all the pain that I've been through, my heart still beats like crazy for you. 

 

“Wha---at about him Noona?”

 

She looked uncomfortable. She's a bit shaking. And when she looked at me…. She's tearing up. 

 

“He's…. gone” She said sobbing. 

 

I can't fathom how deeply hurt I am when she told me. I was literally just looking at her, still shock and shaking, I'm speechless.

 

“No-Noona… Wha-what do you mean he’s--” I can't even say the word. Fuck. Please tell me it isn't true! Please tell me I'm dreaming! Please tell me, you're alive! Please! 

 

“He was diagnosed with brain tumor… he doesn't want you to know. He doesn't want you to suffer. He wants you to be happy, even if it means he has to let you go… Jinan, Junhoe loves you so much. Until his last minutes he was still talking about you. I'm so sorry, it's late but I still want you to know what happened. He loves you. He loves you so much”

 

I was in tears. I was sobbing so hard. Junhoe, you know I love you so much right? You know I’ll do everything for you right? Don't you think it's even painful not saying goodbye to the one you love. Don't you think it's more painful not being there for you during the times you needed me the most? 

 

But how? How did you perfectly hide it from me? How did you manage to seem so fine in front of me? How did you hide your pain from me? 

 

***

 

_ Junhoe, I'm sorry, I wasn't able to come earlier. I'm sorry I'm late. I'm so sorry I didn't see your pain. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you, okay? I hope you know how much I love you. I hope you know you’ll always be in my heart. I hope you know I will never forget you.  _

 

_ Junhoe, Thank you. Sorry. I love you.  _

 

***

 

I wasn't able to come sooner to you, and I'm so sorry. I was in denial. I can't believe you left me just like that. It still hurts. But I know you're happier there. No pain. No stress. Just pure happiness. I'm trying to be fine. It's been a year, but it's still painful. I still cry. I still miss you. But I'm trying to be okay. I'm trying to accept the fact that  _ you're gone.  _

  
  


“Jinhwan! Let's go?” Yejin Noona said. 

 

I smiled at her. “Noona, wait a minute, please?” she nodded. “Junhoe! We’ll visit again soon!” she said, tracing your name on your gravestone. Then she tap my shoulder. “I'll wait for you inside the car.” I nodded. 

 

Then it's just us two.

 

“Junhoe….” tears started to run down to my cheeks. 

 

“I love you. I promise I'll be back, okay? I'll promise to visit more often. I promise to talk to you more. I hope you're not alone there. I hope there's someone listening to your dad jokes. I hope they aren't annoyed by your loud singing voice…..”

 

“I love you so much, Junhoe. Always have, always will.”

 

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy (?) reading. Feel free to send feedbacks in the comment section. Thank you!


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